Going Through the Motions

Breathing. I do it all of the time, but unless I'm running I rarely consciously think about doing it. I just... do it. In and out, in and out--I go through the motions every day of my life. While the ability to focus my attention on other tasks and continue to breathe is a phenomena that I'm grateful for, there are some areas of my life that would be especially lacking if this concept overflowed into them.

One area that deserves all of my attention is relationships. I feel that it is important that I make sure that I never find myself guilty of going through the motions of being in a relationship. Doing so is unfair to both the other person as well as to myself. I need to make sure that when I tell someone that I love them, I am expressing it sincerely, and for the right reasons. There's no sense in me telling someone I love them if I don't sincerely mean it: simply pronouncing or declaring love does not establish or maintain love. I am not saying that I am going to stop telling those whom I love that I love them, rather, I am going to try and make certain that I am doing more than just saying words to them, I want them to be able to feel that I love them.

The notion of merely going through the motions in relationships is one that saddens me. Perhaps it saddens me so much because I have gone through the motions--and it was emotionless and joyless. From others' perceptions, my life was wonderful, but that was not the case. What I have learned from that experience is to love with all of my heart, all of the time. Why not experience the joy that there is to be had in actually bonding, connecting, and loving others? Love is not derived from holding hands or giving gifts; rather, it is gained by giving of one's self. It is acquired by learning to fulfill the needs of others. To feel rather than to simply exist.